“The worst part of all this is the betrayal. You trust your relatives to do what is right when it comes to the physical and financial care of your parents. So, when you discover that a family member has been exploiting them, it’s not only shocking and painful, it’s also embarrassing—which is why I’ll ask you not to use my real name.”
—Anne Smith*
*The names of all victims and family members in this article have been changed.
Around 2010, Anne Smith’s mother-in-law allowed a former daughter-in-law, now divorced, to move into her Colorado home. “Lynn was struggling financially, and Marion told us, ‘How can I say no when she’s the mother of my grand- children?’” Anne recalls.
And Marion, in her mid-eighties and widowed, needed help. With Anne and her husband, Steve, living in Ann Arbor and still working, it seemed like a good solution for a place to live, and Marion would have company, care, and transportation—“or so we thought,” Anne says.
Marion’s home was paid off, and when Lynn moved in, Marion had a healthy savings account. But five years later, when her roof was damaged by hail, Marion checked her bank balance—and couldn’t reconcile it with her checkbook.
Concerned, she contacted Steve. He flew to Colorado and quickly discovered that Lynn had forged $11,000 in checks and was siphoning off funds in other ways.
Lynn had become ensnared in internet scams. On a dating website for Christian singles, she’d met a charming “Englishman” whose interests meshed perfectly with her online profile. He claimed to be a veterinarian saving animals in Malaysia and had a daughter the same age as Lynn’s.
“Scammers pick up all kinds of personal information from the internet, then hone their solicitations to a person’s interests,” Anne explains. “An important component of our family is a concern for the welfare of animals and children.”
The “veterinarian” took advantage of Lynn’s loneliness, sent her gifts, and showered her with attention. Then one day, he wrote and said he urgently needed emergency funding for his wildlife rescue operation. Could she send money for much-needed supplies? He promised he would return her loan with interest. Lynn convinced Marion this was a just cause. She ultimately sent him tens of thousands of dollars.
The rest is history. No repayments, no interest, and no further contact with the “English vet” in Malaysia.
But by then, a man claiming to be a Nigerian minister had also contacted Lynn, describing his orphanage in Africa. Over time, Anne says, “Lynn convinced Marion to wire about $30,000 to help the orphans of Nigeria.” The two women went to Marion’s Wells Fargo branch, and bank officials wired the money to Nigeria.
Between the scams and the check forgery, “we’re not exactly sure how much she took—between $75,000 and $150,000,” Anne says. “Meanwhile, there had been little caregiving for Marion. Lynn was too concerned with her own affairs.”
Steve called the police. Because Marion had consented to sending the money overseas, there was no recourse for that, but Lynn was prosecuted for the forged checks. The judge gave her a suspended sentence, put her on probation, and ordered her to pay restitution. She paid less than $1,000.
Several months later, when Anne and Marion went to Wells Fargo to close out Marion’s accounts, the bank officer asked, “How are all the Nigerian orphans?”
“He knew about the wire transfer,” Anne says. “I was livid—I told him the whole thing was a scam. When I asked why he allowed it, he told us, ‘Well, I had some reservations, but the bank manager said it was OK.’”
In hindsight, “I’m sure we could have sued the bank, but we didn’t have the energy to pursue that,” Anne says. “We just focused on taking care of Marion.”
—
An intergenerational transfer of wealth is underway that “will dwarf any of the past,” Talmon Joseph Smith wrote in the New York Times last May. Forbes magazine estimates that America’s Silent Generation—parents of the Baby Boomers—has, or will, pass down more than $15 trillion in assets during this decade. And the Boomers, born between 1944 and 1964, are expected to bequeath more than $68 trillion to their heirs in the coming years.
Unfortunately, with great wealth come great opportunities for financial exploitation. According to a 2023 report from the Justice Department’s Office of Victims of Crime, senior-service agencies that the office funds report that 14 percent of the people seeking their help are victims of financial crimes.
“The elderly are easy victims,” says Linda Kaare, an attorney who’s specialized in senior law since 1992. Even minor memory loss and a sense of vulnerability can make seniors targets for financial exploitation.
“Our mother’s financial situation is a nightmare,” Betsy Jones says. Before her father died, he “did all the finances. Mom has never worried about them. But I have. I’ve spent too many sleepless nights worrying about the way my sister is misusing Mom’s funds and jeopardizing her future well-being.”
Betsy’s youngest sister, Joan, moved in with their then-ninety-one-year-old mother, Elizabeth, during Covid. Joan and Betsy shared Elizabeth’s power of attorney, but at the time, Betsy was working internationally.
“We were always a loving family,” Betsy says. “My other two sisters and I trusted Joan completely with Mom’s affairs.” When Betsy retired in 2022, she moved their mother into her Maryland home, and Joan moved back to Texas.
Though Betsy paid all their mother’s expenses, when her credit card bills and bank statements began arriving, they showed huge bills and bank withdrawals. When Betsy questioned them, Joan found an excuse to move their mother from Betsy’s home to an assisted living facility eight states away—against her mother’s wishes. The first check Joan wrote to the facility bounced.
Going over their mother’s financial records, Betsy discovered that in just two years, Joan had withdrawn as much as $230,000 from Elizabeth’s accounts—and had taken two loans on their mother’s condo to cover payments on seven credit cards.
Unbeknownst to the others, Joan also brought their mother to an attorney who wrote a new will. It gave Joan sole power of attorney, and cut her three sisters out of any inheritance.
Joan then informed their mother’s bank, doctors, physical therapists, lawyer, and relatives that only she could make financial or medical decisions for her mother. Though another sister has taken the day-to-day responsibilities for visiting and transporting their mother, health care providers refuse to discuss their mother’s condition or medications with her.
After many discussions and some disagreement, the other sisters reported the situation to Adult Protective Services. However, when a representative asked the ninety-four-year-old woman if she was worried her daughter was cheating her, Elizabeth denied any problems and burst into tears. The representative closed the case.
With no other option, the sisters went to the police. After four months, they have just been informed that the investigation could take up to two years.
“Meanwhile, Joan has sold Mom’s condo and has $400,000 more to embezzle,” Betsy says. She and the other two sisters “are powerless. We’re not worried about any inheritance. We’re worried Mom won’t have enough money to live on—and her health could suffer, if Joan can’t be reached if an emergency occurs. Dad would be horrified if he knew what has happened.”
—
As the Jones family is learning, financial abuse can be more difficult to detect, report, and investigate than physical abuse, because the injuries are invisible and hard to prove.
“Of course, the financial exploitation of seniors has happened throughout history, but I’ve seen the number of instances grow exponentially,” Kaare says. “This is a critical time for seniors to make their wishes known—and for assessing what they have, what they’ll need for the future, and what they want to leave to others.”
Even seniors who write an ironclad will and discuss finances with their children can run into trouble. Take the case of Henry Brown, who amassed what his daughter Emily describes as a “very sizeable fortune” before retiring from his businesses at the age of sixty-five after his wife died. Now eighty-five, he is in remission after two bouts of cancer, eats well, sleeps well, and suffers from mild dementia. He has 24/7 in-home care. His three daughters, who share power of attorney, live within forty-five minutes of his home.
Sounds like an ideal situation, but it isn’t. The three sisters are embroiled in a series of court cases over their father’s fate.
“My sister Shirley has never made wise financial decisions,” Emily says. “Despite very generous annual checks from Dad’s investments, she is constantly overspending, so she wants her inheritance now. Her goal is to convince Dad that he has no quality of life anymore.
“Whenever she visits Dad, she urges him to go off all his medications and go into hospice. Meanwhile, the hospice workers I’ve spoken with say he’s not ready for hospice.”
Emily says she’s already spent “in excess of $125,000” fighting Shirley in court. Three times the sisters have agreed to mediation, she says, but each time Shirley failed to appear. “My father was a very smart businessman, but he failed to choose his [power of attorney] well, and we’re all paying the cost,” she says.
According to the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, grown children are the most common abusers, but financial abuse can also occur in nursing homes and assisted living facilities, and by financial advisors. In a 2010 study, African American seniors reported much higher rates of financial exploitation (23 percent) than non–African Americans (8.4 percent).
“The people being exploited most often trust their chosen family member completely,” Kaare says, “so getting them to realize that someone is taking advantage of them will be a challenge. And even more of a challenge is finding proof of exploitation—accessing financial records, bank statements, and financial data—if you’re not the [power of attorney].”
That’s why, she says, “it’s critically important to identify the right person to handle your medical and financial power of attorney. You’ve got to take an objective, honest look at who is best suited to advocate for you if you become incapacitated. A lawyer should speak one-on-one with the client, asking who has the necessary skills to handle the client’s finances in the future, who pays their bills on time, and who is willing to undertake the responsibilities.
Financial planner Jonathan Imber says he’s had family members of elderly clients demand that he reallocate their parents’ funds or release more money to their heirs. “That’s completely unethical,” he says. “We abide by what our client has agreed upon…
“We can safeguard a client’s finances and future plan, but financial planners can’t tell them who to choose for their power of attorney or medical power of attorney.”
—
According to the National Center on Elder Abuse, only one in twenty-four cases of elder abuse will be reported to authorities. The NCEA recommends that if you suspect abuse—even if your suspicions are unconfirmed—report it immediately.
Where do you start?
“Call the police,” says AAPD sergeant Mark Pulford. “You’ll need to contact the police in the jurisdiction where the person lives. And when you do, have corroborating evidence—financial statements, bank statements, anything that will prove your case.”
“Call the police,” Kaare agrees, adding that in her thirty years practicing senior law, she’s seen police departments greatly improve their training in identity theft and financial exploitation.
She also recommends that family members or close friends contact their local Long-Term Care Ombudsman (AgeWays, 586–980–9303) and Adult Protective Services (Michigan hotline: 855–444–3911). The Justice Department’s Office of Victims of Crimes also has an elder fraud hotline (833–372–8311), as does the NCEA (822–372–8311).
The exploitation of seniors not only affects them financially, but also emotionally and socially. As the Jones, Smith, and Brown families are learning, their ties have been torn apart as heirs argue about housing, health care, and inheritances. Health care workers, neighbors, other relatives, caregivers, mediators, and attorneys often become entangled in unsolvable messes. And seniors who thought they had planned for a safe and happy retirement find themselves at the mercy of others and/or their own poor planning.
“Our family will never be the same again,” Betsy Jones says mournfully. “We always loved and trusted each other. Three of us were shocked to learn that we can’t trust our sister. That’s not the way we were raised. That’s not part of our family culture. And I have to admit, I’m angry that my parents didn’t do a better job of planning for their—and our—future.
“We never dreamed we’d have to go to the police in order to protect our mother from one of us. We’re not worried about inheritance. All we want now is the reassurance that she can live out her life comfortably.”
“There’s a lesson for all of us in these stories,” Anne Smith says. “As adults, we should take the time and effort to work with professionals who can help us ensure that our futures will be well protected and secure. As the children of aging adults, we need to keep close tabs on their finances and their personal welfare, despite our busy lives.
“I strongly recommend that families talk about their money often and in detail. Everyone should express their wishes, needs, and future plans often and openly, so there are no secrets or future disasters. If Steve and I had done that, we could have avoided a distressing mess.”