On Tuesday, my daughter was having a bathroom emergency so we ran into a grocery store in Ann Arbor to use the potty. They had a men’s room with one stall, which was occupied, and an empty women’s room with two stalls. I didn’t have a better option because Claire was desperate, so we went in together.
She was a week shy of five years old – Happy birthday Claire! – and very independent. If she needed to have a quick wee, she’d happily go in and out on her own. In those cases, l stand outside and, if it’s taking longer than expected, I ask the next adult woman going in to check on her or I push the door open a crack to call in to her.
In this case, she begged me to stay with her. Whatever was happening was scaring her – she’d think she was done going and then she wasn’t – so I did. Again, there was nobody else there.
And then there was. An employee came in to use the toilet and absolutely lost her mind. “You can’t be in here,” she said. I explained that I had a four-year-old suffering a gastrointestinal problem and the men’s room was occupied. “I don’t care,” she said. “You are a man in the ladies’ restroom. That’s illegal.”
It’s actually not, and I knew that because, as the father of a daughter with two fathers, I have wondered about how to handle exactly this circumstance. I told the angry employee so. The woman stood, arms crossed, leaning against the wall and glaring at us as I refused to leave my daughter’s side. “Daddy,” Claire started to cry, “why is this lady being so mean to you?” “I really don’t know,” I told her. “You just sit there until you’re finished.”
The lady, completely unaffected by the presence of a whimpering child, pressed on: “I could call the police. I saw it on the news.” I dared her to. “You’d just say you’re a tranny or something, though,” she said. Then she warned she’d get her manager. “Oh, go ahead,” I huffed. I asked her why she didn’t just go into the other stall and do her business, to which she said, “I can’t do that with a man standing here.” She didn’t leave or reach her phone, to her modest credit.
Eventually Claire was done and I prolonged the encounter on purpose by making sure she thoroughly washed her hands. And we left, Claire asking me if I was in trouble and if the police were going to take me away.
The moment was hard to shake off. To me, it seemed obvious this lady had been emboldened by the hysteria around trans people and bathroom use. I considered complaining to the manager but I didn’t want my daughter to witness any further drama. I also wanted to extend to the woman the grace she refused me and considered she might just be having a difficult day.
When we got into the car and Claire realized she’d left her water cup in the bathroom, I told her we’d get another; I wasn’t going back in there.
Your news is here. A major redevelopment project receives a major financial boost, one of the Wolverines’ newest boosters gets Wall Street Journal front-page treatment, DTE is plotting a $2.5 billion power plant, the GEO and U-M are in tense contract talks, and you won’t be shocked to learn which local intersections have the most accidents.
This is last week’s most-clicked link.
– Steve Friess, editor
P.S. Editor in chief Brooke Black here. My next Coffee With Brooke will be held at Socotra Coffee House at 3130 Packard on Monday, September 28, from 8 to 10 a.m. I’ll have surveys on Observer coverage, stickers, and as always, open ears. This is your chance to tell me what you think is important, what you’d like to see in the Observer, what we’re doing well, and what we could be doing better.
