Rev. Billy C. Wirtz
"Swing way . . . to the right," intones the six-foot-five-inch, heavily tattooed Reverend Billy C. Wirtz of the First House of Polyester Worship. "All join hands and . . . block the clinic!" Between verses, Wirtz takes on the persona of an NRA member flirting with the wearer of an Operation Rescue charm bracelet. "What do you say we introduce a little motion into the chambers?" he asks.
A native of South Carolina and a resident of St. Augustine, Florida ("It's not too far from Whorelando," he says), Wirtz offers a brand of southern satire that's more outrageous than most anything originating up here. "Right Wing Roundup" is one of his signatures, and in general his musical comedy grew from a certain glasnost that came to southern culture in the 1990s, but most of his songs aren't overtly political. Instead he writes, often hilariously, of the grotesque.
Imagine a southern Howard Stern who happens to be an excellent honky-tonk piano player (Wirtz did a long apprenticeship with Chicago bluesman Sunnyland Slim), and you've got a pretty good idea. Another Wirtz standard is "Roberta," an eight-minute slow blues jam about being in bed with a 375-pound woman. From what I've heard of Wirtz's live shows, I'd say a raunch warning is appropriate, but rude as he may be, Wirtz is never lacking in wit. "She'd look up with her one good eye, take her false teeth out of the Bicentennial ashtray," says Wirtz in describing the preliminaries that unroll in a little mobile home in a town called Chromosome, North Carolina.